I am awakened to an annoying to me child's program, and suddenly I feel pains in my hips and lower back. It's not the bed. It's two years old. It's me. I've gained weight in the last two years and the weight is now creating havoc on my joints and muscles during the upcoming cold winter months. The news is better to me than this show so I change the channel.
I slept well last night, somewhere in the night though my hubby got up and left the room. His sleep machine is still here, so I'm guessing he left because of difficulty breathing with a new cold that has developed yesterday. Now I feel bad, as I just told him the night before, him snoring into his sleep machine was so loud the night before it kept me awake and agitated. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut with him.
The pile of paper (filing) still stares at me and if it's nice to me I'll try working on it and making it smaller, slimmer today. (Oh to be a pile of paper. If it were only that easy.) But first I have to do some reading for my classes, Financial Accounting, Word Processing, and General Psychology. I have two team assignments this week that need to have my part banged out early. So I'll be doing those subjects first before the other one. My goal for the week is to be done with classes by Wednesday.
This weeks agenda; college homework, PTA functions Tuesday-Friday (with family movie night for PTA on Friday) taking my bug to the Dr. on Thursday to check her broken arm/wrist. (I'm praying it's not worse as she's been complaining about it more.) And then Grandma's physical therapy, with a run to the Dr. to get x-rays in her knees.
I look forward to the upcoming holiday with my aunt coming over and staying with us for five days. Blockus (one of our favorite games) is ready. I'm going through some recipes that we used to do some holiday baking with when gram lived at her house and I'm creating a list so I can go to the grocery store and get the supplies. Gram made these chocolate balls that everyone loved and I thought it would be fun to make those again this year. We haven't done that in a few years. Auntie could take some home with her. Mom got our pictures back from our Maui trip and it would be nice to see them on the TV screen with grandma. Spending time with auntie always makes me feel good, and a little sad. Sad that we didn't get closer sooner and sad that she has to return to her home across the water.
Our goal for the next two weeks is to get grandma moving so she can come up the stairs with minimal pain so that she can be upstairs with us for the holiday weekend at dinner time. I want her as comfortable as possible. I worry about her. She chooses not to do the exercises given to her.
Yet I should talk. I have yet to brush my teeth three times a day as asked of me, exercise, eat right, lose weight, or have surgery again on my feet. Why is it that we can quickly administer judgement, criticism of others for not following dr.'s orders but when it comes to ourselves we offer every excuse in the book as to why we can't, won't, or don't have to follow dr.'s orders. (My husband is the same way).
I get after my son for this about all of his dr.'s appointments and yet he looks at me, and I feel like a hypocrite, and it's pointed out to me by him that he learned his behavior/patterns from "ME". At this point I would not say that is what I want him to follow. Why couldn't he follow my work ethic? That would be a great one for him to follow. I want him to get a job, but he seems to have no ambition. We've told him that we can't keep paying for his things. He is picky about everything he wears from the deodorant to the clothing/shoes. He has more clothes than me. He gets something wears it and then says he doesn't like it because someone made a comment, it didn't wash right, or it doesn't fit now the way he wants it to after washing it. And what's worse as the years have gone by I have not realized until this year, I enabled this behavior and to try and explain that to him, that it needs to stop is hard. He has difficulty responding to change. (He doesn't hesitate to create it though.)
I have no plans for doing Black Friday. At this point I don't know what our Christmas will be like for the kids. That has me worried. With hubby's overtime completely cut off we are barely scraping by month after month. He's unhappy with his job and wants to be transferred but won't get up the guts and go ask. He loves his old job and wants to go back to it. I frankly don't care where he works, I just want him happy. If it means selling everything to live in a cardboard box to make him happy I'm willing to do this. You know it's bad when you can't even afford to do the annual glitz/glamour of the goodwill store sale.
The call of the ocean is loud and strong. I want to go back to Maui. Wishing hubby will want to go with me. Wanting to be healthier when I go so that I can enjoy the heat more. Why is it when you are heavy you hate the "heat" and can't stand the "cold"? Do you think the divine maker designed us that way? Seriously as if it is a barometer to say you're getting miserable with this weather, time to lose some weight. Or is this just some strange thought coming from me? I want to live by the ocean. I love watching waves crash, the birds flock to a location and take off from the location. I love watching the animals in their elements seeing sea lions, seals, whales, dolphins, birds, in the water. Something about it all calms me. I love walking the sandy beaches looking for the treasures the ocean delivers to the earth. A former home of a crab or snail, a sand-dollar, a Japanese glass ball that has broken loose from a fishing net across the waters, a star-fish that didn't make it back, a crab tiny or large, a limpid, a muscle, barnacles shaved, jagged and cluttering a rock, different sea grasses and kelp littering the tide lines, the smell of the salt water, with a wisp of wind to blow your hair across your face at times, temporarily blinding your vision path. This all brings me pleasure. No agenda, to be able to walk as far as I want, not worrying about a schedule of having to be somewhere at sometime, to watch birds argue for that morsel of sea life, or bread someone has thrown at them it all all breathes new life into me. I wish there was a way I could live near the water. Not the lake, not the river, but the ocean or sound. With property prices as high as they are I don't foresee it unless I rent. The rent will be sky high for the view I want.
The back and hips are aching less as I type my morning pages. Must mean the pressure points from laying down are getting reprieved. Too bad the fat doesn't melt away while you are asleep or awake.
I wish that I had the body I did when I was in high school (26 years I have done some serious damage to this body).
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